pandeer (pandeer) wrote in taoandlu,

(day 3) You're not my potato

Title: You're not my potato
Rating: PG - 13
Wordcount: 1894
Warnings: Mention of alcohol/drunk Tao
Summary: Tao, Sehun, and Kyungsoo are all rowdy university students that decide to get drunk one night and take a trip to the super market. Tao struggles to express his potatoes the entire time.
Author's notes: This is my first time participating in a fic fest, hope you like it thank you~~

“What? Drunk already?”

It was barely eleven and already Tao and Sehun were super drunk. The idea was to play drunk Mario Kart at Tao’s place since his roommates had all decided to go to the beach that week. Their plan quickly proved to be a bust after the second bottle of Soju. What was ironic about all of this was Kyungsoo, who was much shorter than both of them, was the only one not laughing and rolling on the floor.

Kyungsoo glared daggers at his two friends, annoyed that despite being the smallest one in the room, he had the highest alcohol tolerance. They were lucky that Tao’s carpet was black, especially with the way Sehun was flailing his arms about it was a miracle they hadn’t spilled anything.

“Ge! We’re out of soju!” Tao whined as he kicked Kyungsoo’s bean bag chair and rolled over onto his back. Sehun’s noodly limbs had tangled themselves up in his chair so much that he could barely move. Tao was thankful that he had the whole house to himself that evening, which was rare especially on a Tuesday night. “Let’s go to Seven,” Tao slurred his words, his glasses nearing the edge of his nose once again.

The oldest sighed and stood up to grab his wallet from the table littered with various snack wrappers and empty bottles. “You coming or what?” He pulled the chair that Octo-Sehun was still clinging to, causing the younger to yelp and scramble to his feet. Tao sprinted towards the door, determined to beat the others to the store.


They had said Seven, but wound up in Daiei. Tao didn’t even know Daiei stayed open so late, but apparently that was where he led them. “Why are we at a grocery store?” Kyungsoo knew he should have taken the led, but his friends didn’t seem to be paying much attention. He just rolled his eyes and grabbed himself a basket, determined to make the best of his situation. It took only seconds before Sehun had suddenly disappeared from the group, prancing towards the candy aisle.

“ARE THOSE POTATOES?” Faster than they got there, Tao sprinted towards the fresh produce aisle at full speed. Kyungsoo let out another sigh, knowing that he’d probably have to get the Soju alone.

Tao was practically tripping over himself as he tried to walk between the crates of other produce, but didn’t take his eyes off his goal. He could have sworn some of the potatoes had faces in them and he had to take these home to show his friends, he had to! Tao glanced to both sides trying to find plastic bags to put the potatoes in. When he realized there were none nearby Tao did what anyone else in his position would do; stuff them down his pants. He wasn’t stealing them, of course. He was gonna pay, but he just didn’t see a bag and he was wearing pretty baggy sweatpants that day too!

One potato, two potato, he was quickly onto his eighth potato when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

“Excuse me, sir. I’m a cashier and I happened to see you stuffing potatoes down your pants,” The cashier paused for a moment to get a second glance at Tao. “I would stop you but you already have nine--”

“I’M SORRY, I CAN’T EXPRESS MY POTATOES!” Tao shouted, putting his hands up and dropping the two potatoes he was holding to the ground. The nervous cashier scrambled to his knees to try and rescue the fallen spuds only to slip and fall forward onto the ground.

This was a disaster, Tao thought. He was gonna get busted as a potato-snatcher! “Ohmygodohmygod I’m so sorry,” He seriously wished he wasn’t such a sloppy and loud drunk. In between all the excitement Tao knocked himself into the cute cashier boy and off flew his glasses. The younger cursed loudly as he watched the other’s hand swipe his glasses under one of the tables.

“No, stop!!” The older was getting equally flustered as he could feel Tao’s hands start to roam his body. This was not the evening he had imagined, he knew he should have objected to the extended store hours proposed last week!

“Oof--!” Luhan landed on top of Tao. feeling one of the potatoes smack into his crotch. He tried not to scream, but he was really in a lot of pain. Not only was this customer drunk and causing trouble in the store, but now he had just gotten smacked in the balls by a potato! How would he explain this to his manager?

“I’m sorry, I’ll leave now!” Tao was just about to push the older off until he saw the pained look on his face. One of Luhan’s hands was on the ground and the other was balled up in Tao’s shirt in an attempt to keep himself steady. This seemed the perfect opportunity to dump all the potatoes in his pants and run for the exit, but that would involve taking his pants off, which even drunk Tao wasn’t ready to do. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” He repeated over and over again in a panic. Luhan didn’t look like he was in any condition to move and Tao still had potatoes in his pants.

“Sir I--” Crack! Luhan had rolled off of Tao only to roll right onto the younger’s glasses. Lucky for Tao he had gotten his glasses with reinforced plastic, but the protection did not extend to his frames. The two lenses from his glasses were now scattered somewhere on the floor, his frames were mangled, Luhan was still sore from his collision with Tao’s potato pants, and Tao still didn’t know what to do with all these potatoes.

“MY GLASSES!” Tao shouted, throwing his arms around the older in an attempt to push him aside. Luhan was in enough of a panic as it was and without thinking grabbed Tao’s pants and pulled them down. A waterfall of potatoes erupted, causing an even bigger mess. There was no hope, only potatoes. “NO, MY POTATOES,” Tao exclaimed as he tried to grab all of the potatoes that had fallen. Luhan was trying to take this chance to run, but for some reason Tao still had an arm around him.

“You’re not my potato,” Tao realized that in the midst of the confusion he had grabbed Luhan’s head and tried to shove him into his shirt with the other potatoes. The poor cashier started to panic even more to the point of tears. “Shhhh, shhh potato,” Tao lifted Luhan up and kissed him on the lips not realizing he wasn’t kissing a spud.

There was a moment of silence before another loud crash was heard throughout the store. Luhan had pushed Tao away and knocked over another crate of potatoes before booking it for the nearest storage entrance. “We’re leaving now,” Was the last thing Tao remembered hearing that night.


As expected, a mega hangover awaited Tao the next morning. His two friends were awake before he was and had left the room to eat breakfast in the kitchen. With much reluctance, Tao dragged himself out of bed and into the kitchen to meet his friends as well as eat some real food. He didn’t say a word to Sehun or Kyungsoo, but instead just waved before plopping down in the chair and watching the oldest serve him some pancakes. Kyungsoo greeted him and said something else, but Tao didn’t process a thing.

“They’re gonna find us on the video cameras and laugh at us!” Sehun threw his hands up, only now realizing the trouble they were probably in. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and looked at Tao, clearly knowing it was his fault they would be in trouble in the first place. Not only did Tao damage tons of potatoes the previous night, but also caused quite a scene and probably scarred the poor cashier who was trying to do his job. “C-Can we go apologize, hyungs?” The youngest looked at his friends with hope in his eyes. He was also hungover (but not as much as Tao) yet was still willing to drag his butt back to Daiei and apologize.

Without giving him any time to respond, Tao was immediately dragged by his two friends back to the supermarket to issue a formal apology. It was either they apologize or promise to never go back to that store again and unfortunately for Tao, that store was the only good place to get decent groceries in the area. “Hello, my name is Huang Zitao, I’d like to apologize for last night,”

“Oh um-- Please wait,” The information booth receptionist gave the three of them a polite bow and smile before stepping away to grab Luhan who was carefully sorting produce.

“I’m sorry about your potatoes,” Was the first thing that came out of Tao’s mouth the minute he saw Luhan. It was a mess, he was a mess, not drunk, but still a mess. He inhaled and bowed ninety degrees, feeling completely awful for his previous night’s antics. They were definitely going to be banned from the store, even with this apology, Tao thought.

“It’s fine,” Luhan wasn’t quite sure what to say to Tao. He was hurt and he did have quite a hard time calming down after the incident, but when all was said and done no one was really hurt and Tao was apologizing. “And I found your glasses,” The older pulled out a pair of glasses and two lenses from a small pouch and handed them to Tao. “I’m sorry they’re still broken, I tried to fix them but the frames are bent too much,” He looked down at the poor twisted frames and cracked lenses, regretting everything.

“Thanks, and I’m sorry for umm…” Tao’s voice trailed off not wanting to finish his sentence. Despite being completely wasted, he did remember quite a bit of what happened last night. It wasn’t a perfect memory, but he did remember kissing the cute cashier who was now standing in front of him. It seemed like Luhan did too as the older suddenly turned a bright shade of red as Tao spoke. He shook his head and covered his mouth as he was trying to think of a professional response.

“Can we start over? Hi, I’m Huang Zitao and I’d like to see you after work,” Tao grabbed a pen and scribbled a number down on a nearby note pad and laid it down in front of Luhan who just stared at him, completely stunned.

“And I’m Luhan, but I cannot accept requests like these,” Luhan took the paper and slid another piece towards Tao, face down before bowing and walking away. Tao took the slip of paper and looked at it to see the cute cashier had already written down his number and added, “5pm ok?” after his number.

Meanwhile, Sehun and Kyungsoo watched the whole exchange with their mouths open. Tao not only apologized and was able to handle the situation maturely without getting them permanently banned from the store but he was also able to score a date. Kyungsoo refused to comment on the situation afterwards and instead took his two friends to Lotteria to grab some melon soda and french fries.

Tags: - round 1 (2015), rating: pg-13
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